How long have you got?
by HorcruxCupcake
Summary: Post ep for S29E17. A week after Zoe found Max in his office with another girl and Max still hasn't been able to talk to Zoe. This is just a little insight to his thoughts and feelings. Oneshot


**A/N: Sorry this is late, I wasn't able to watch casualty yesterday for various reasons but I finally did tonight and true to my word I have another post ep. There wasn't much Zax in this episode at all :( but I've written a little bit about Max's thoughts. Thank you to all who reviewed my post ep for S29E16! I will just be keeping the post eps as one shots for now though as I don't have time to write much more so I have marked them as complete.**

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><p><strong>How long have you got?<strong>

When I asked Louise today if Zoe was in she answered me with a question, "Why do you care?"

_Where do I begin?_

When I told Zoe I loved her before she left I meant it. Of course I'd told girls I'd loved them before but only because they expected me to say it back or because they were good at Sex, or both. But Zoe was different because she was able to see through all the French speaking charm and garbage I say to pull girls and yet we still ended up together.

I know we broke up but I also know that she still likes me, otherwise she wouldn't care so much that she found a girl in my office and she would just listen to my excuses to shut me up. But she's hiding I can tell. She's been avoiding me in the corridors as best she can and when she can't and we have to talk she pointedly looks somewhere else as if she can't look me in the eye. The problem is I don't know how much longer we can go on like this and I desperately need her to listen to me.

Zoe always tried to avoid me by playing the age difference card but since I found out she slept with a fifteen year old she can't really use it anymore. It was irrelevant really anyway because neither of us cared. Besides it is only 8 years, I know plenty of guys who are sleeping with much older women and much younger women – often at the same time – and there's definitely more than eight years between some of them.

I only kissed that girl she saw me with anyway, it's not as if I was sleeping with her. I was trying to move on and yet it wasn't working. I know Zoe said I'm a free agent but her face when she found us screamed disappointment and regret, or maybe I'm just very big headed. Either way if I hadn't been so stupid and let Zoe go when she took a break from work we'd still be together. Maybe if we hadn't had so many close calls with Robyn nearly finding us Zoe wouldn't have panicked and ran. If we'd have gone to a hotel…but I don't have the money anyway even with the extra shifts. Maybe that's why she left. She doesn't think a poor, childish porter was worth it. I am really out of her league.

And yet I can't stop thinking about her. When she looks at me (or looked at me I suppose) and smiles she makes my heart race. I know I act like a love struck teenager but I can't help it and I can do nothing but smile when I'm around her. Well I couldn't at least, at the moment I'm trying to get myself out of this mess and laughing is the last thing on my mind.

She said I'm young and I deserve a life of my own but I don't want a life without her. I don't care that she can't give me or family or that she's older than me and I don't care about people who disapprove of our relationship. I just want to be with her because this is killing me. I love her so much and I think she loves me too. She's just too stubborn to admit it, although I wouldn't blame her after how she found me last week. If only that girl hadn't been there, Zoe was obviously wanting to talk to me. Well I've really messed it up this time.

I need to talk to her so badly, to set my story straight. Zoe needs to know the truth whether she likes it or not because I can't take this much longer.

So that's why when Louise asked me today why I care whether or not Zoe had a shift, I just thought

_How long have you got?_

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading :) I hope you enjoyed it and I didn't ramble to much. I know it was soppy!<strong>


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